A Late Night Snack

A recipe.

Step 1: Hunger

Around 8:30 to 9 PM, develop a hankering for a snack.

Why the cravings? Who can say. Perhaps you had a small dinner. Maybe you just did some exercise. Whatever the case, you need something carby and delicious.

Step 2: Toast

All good late night snacks involve toast. Or so they tell you. Prepare this in whatever way you find appealing, but tonight this job falls to Carl, your carbon steel pan. You and Carl enjoy a close, tight-knit relationship. You’ve learned his ins and outs after many, many hours of usage. Carl, for his part, has finally developed the damn seasoning to the point that eggs don’t stick. You wonder if Carl would love you the same way if the roles were reversed.

Anyways: bread out from the fridge. Spread a layer of butter on both sides. Make a mess doing this, because how do you butter side #2 without putting the buttered bread on the cutting board?

Put the bread in Carl. Crank the gas.

Step 3: Action

Now is the point of no return, and so it is when you must act with the most decisiveness.

Fridge. Eggs. Realize you only have 2 eggs left. Yell to your partner to add eggs to the grocery list. Cheese - maybe some of that parmesean? No, gruyere would be best. Mushrooms. Maybe a thyme sprig, from when you needed a single sprig for a recipe and had to buy a whole bunch for $5.

Wash the mushrooms. Or don’t, I’m not a cop.

Place a cutting board on the counter next to where Carl is working, so you can keep an eye on him. Quarter the mushrooms, and remove the stems. You understand that some people would leave the stems on, but that isn’t you.

Halfway through this, realize that the butter on the bread is burning without toasting the bread. Turn down the heat. Tell Carl that there’s nothing to forgive - you put him in a compromising situation, and it’s all turning out well.

Flip the bread. Throw some cheese on the now-toasted surface. This is a big commitment: while Carl can handle anything, cheese has always been his weakness.

Take the bread out - it should be plenty toasty by now (you remembered to flip it, didn’t you?). Replace it with the quartered mushrooms, as well as some butter. Throw in the thyme sprig. Feel good that you’re actually going through the thyme you bought, instead of throwing it away after you never actually use any of it.

Toast the mushrooms. Trust Carl here, he knows what he’s doing.

Step 4: The Egg

Extract the mushrooms from Carl. He releases them freely: his work is done.

Look at Carl. Look into Carl. Look at your reflection in Carls - his metal exterior made reflectant by the fats that have coated his surface. Scratch that - bonded with his surface. Reflect on the rocky relationship you had with Carl in the beginning, how he’s really not meant to be used with an electric stovetop, and how much happier you both are with a gas range. Know in your heart that you trust Carl with your life, and how ready he is to handle an egg with absolutely no issues.

Splash some extra oil into Carl, just for safety’s sake.

Carefully, carefully, put the egg into Carl. Watch those first few seconds, how the egg displaces the oil and begins to crackle at the edges. Delicious.

Use a spoon to baste the oil in the pan onto the egg. You saw Sohla do this in a video once, but you’ve never been able to have your eggs turn out quite like hers. You’re sure that within enough time, you and Carl will be making perfect eggs every time. You wonder how much time that will take.

Decide, no, hope, that the egg is cooked. Carl releases it easily, as if to say, “Next time, trust me. Also I would love you if you were a pan and I was human.”

Step 5: Plate

Bread (with cheese built-in).

Mushrooms.

Egg.

Chili crisp that you’ve just remembered to grab out of the fridge at this moment.

Step 6: Enjoy

The experience of eating is divine. Your fork breaks the yolk, and a bounty of gold flows onto the entire plate. At first, the chili crisp is barely noticeable. Eat, and observe how the flavor (and spice) compound, making each bite a different experience than the last. The mushrooms add a bit of saltiness, as well as some much-needed substance to the dish. The bread immediately becomes soggy, but what it’s soaking up makes it taste much better than the sum of its parts.

Step 7: Clean

Zelda (your cat) likes to lick the butter out of Carl when you leave him out. Don’t give her the chance.